because life doesn’t fit in a file folder

Another Single Sunday Night as a Singleton

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BIRD BY BIRD is an original acrylic painting featuring vintage papers, color pencils, oil pastels & real shark’s teeth. In her book of the same title, author Anne Lamott explains how, in grade school, her younger brother found himself in a state of panic, unable to to begin a complicated report on birds (assigned some months before) that was due the next day. Lamott overheard her father, a professional writer, advise his son to begin ‘bird by bird’—an approach which has wider applicability. As a person who becomes easily overwhelmed, I’ve try to remember that any difficult task can be made more manageable if broken down into bite-sized chunks. Right now, I need this reminder most of all.

• • •

It’s Sunday night, and I was just stood up.

Again.

It’s embarrassing, continually putting yourself out there and getting kicked in the gut.

I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do: I’ve paid my bills, done my laundry, gone grocery shopping, painted, cleaned, tried to connect with people.

Everyone seems to have someone to keep them company.

Except me.

I flip on the television and see Groundhog’s Day is on.

I used to think the premise for that movie was clever, and I enjoyed waiting for Bill Murray’s character to finally have that one perfect day.

These days, I recognize the main character’s anguish.

Because having time on your hands without people to share it with is hardly a blessing.

It’s a curse.

What am I doing wrong? Am I making a terrible mistake by staying in Rochester?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 thoughts on “Another Single Sunday Night as a Singleton

  1. I wish I had wisdom. How are you trying to meet people? I know some dating sights are for hookups vs commitments. I hear lots of folks do things like meet-up clubs of interest. Do you do a church? Clubs? Community activities?
    You are lovely – I hope you find your companion.

  2. Go out and do the things you enjoy alone when you find yourself without company. You never know what each experience will bring as far as meeting new people. Bring a book or your camera or your computer or just you and enjoy your surroundings. Keep traveling. You can’t get each day back but you can make the most of it.

  3. *Hugs*
    Time on one’s hands. I can’t even imagine. I know the saying “be careful what you wish for,” but I’d love an evening when there’s nothing that needs to be done and no one needing me!

  4. Renee, When I hear you call yourself a singleton, my heart hurts. It implies that by yourself, you are a nothing, only a broken plate waiting to find another half that fits and needs to be glued into place to make you whole, complete and completed. I am here to tell you that you are something, somebody, that you don’t need arm candy.

    Two thoughts are going through my head, those awful boxes in which you declare your status: Single, Married, Divorced, Widowed. In my life I have been everything but widowed. But I can only check one box. If this is a health related form, shouldn’t I check those three boxes because they are part of the person I am today. I still have that little kindergarten girl who decided to take a shortcut when cutting out the letter E, was told by Georgie B that I had made a mistake, was wrong. I maintained my innocence and my smartness for taking a shortcut, resulting in the letter F, instead of E. It was only when the teacher quietly took my E and the scissors, traced another purple E to give to someone else, giving them better instructions. That’s just as important as the box I check to let people know how to pigeonhole me.

    The second thought has to do with people who have a stroke that results in them losing any awareness of one side of their body. The stroke has taken away that recognition. People with brain damage may only eat food from one side of their plate. It is as though everything beyond the midline of their body has vanished. The other side of them, of their plate is there, but they have to find it and learn to use it again. Imagine playing the drum set, thinking you only have one arm to use, one eye to see…

    I think you asked, what are you doing wrong? What can you do? You need to look for the side of you that is missing, then find ways to use and fill out that part that is invisible to you.

  5. Unfortunately, this is how the search goes for that next partner:

    NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
    NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
    NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
    NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO YES

    I was single for a long time after my first marriage ended. Years. Finding that great match is just super hard and takes time and effort. And, sadly, several kicks in the gut.

  6. Well, there’s nothing wrong with you! He’s the one with the problem, especially if he stood you up. So rude. I’m sending you tons of hugs, because I have no great advice.

  7. I had plenty of those nights – days too. Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Birthdays. I think we all have had days, weeks and months like this. Pour it into a glass of water, and then pour the water down the drain. Go paint, ride your bike, run up and down a hill. Just do something. I’m not religious, just spiritual, and I believe that when you ask God for something he /she gives you one of three answers – Yes, not now, or, I have something better. Your time will come – you’re fantastic.

  8. So sorry, sweetie. I’ve been single more than once in my adult life, and it always seemed like I was the only person in sight who wasn’t paired up with someone, which was very sad. I don’t recall actually being stood up by someone I had a date with. My problem was getting the dates in the first place. My work was such that I never met prospective dates, and I was always too shy just to ask some woman out whom I didn’t know. I met Sharon 27 years ago through a dating service. Other dates have almost all been arranged through mutual friends.

    Two thoughts about your experiences: 1) Anyone who stands you up without calling to explain and cancel is unbelievable rude, and 2) It’s his loss. You would be a fabulous woman for a guy to go out with.

    1. Thanks David for those words for Renee.

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