because life doesn’t fit in a file folder

Coming Clean About My Age

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My birthday is coming up, y’all.

Yup, this summer girl was born in November.

You know what that means.

Yes, my parents got busy around Valentine’s Day.

But it also means this year I turn 55.

Whaaat?

Well, kind of.

Lucille Ball once said:

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”

How much do I Love Lucy?

Here’s the 411.

When I first started teaching, I was just a few years older than some of my 12th grade students!

When I introduced myself, I made a point of tacking on a few extra years.

I said I was 25.

(Seven extra years seemed like the right amount of padding.)

When I moved to New Orleans, I maintained this tradition. I felt I needed the cushion, so parents would nod and smile instead of raise disapproving eyebrows. Also, so my students would believe I was seasoned and complete my assignments without giving me grief.

I never lied to my employers. The Headmaster and English Department Chair at Metairie Park Country day School knew precisely how green old I was when I was hired.

This year, I realized I’ve been in my 40’s for nearly twenty years.

And that made me remember my grandmother who told people she was 29.

For decades.

After she stopped wearing wigs and wore her thinning hair in loose ponytails wrapped in twine, she was 29. After her eyes dulled and her skin wrinkled, she was 29. After her toenails yellowed and her remaining teeth fell out of her mouth, she was 29.

It was ridiculous.

No-one bought it. It was silly and a little pitiful.

I vowed to go the other way.

So I padded.

This year, I could tell people that I’m 55.

Because if you tack on five extra years…well, I look pretty good for 55, right?

And yet.

I feel I’ve kind of caught up with myself.

These days, I am grateful for this body that continues to get me where it needs to go – even if I sometimes have headaches and get dizzy and fall down. I am grateful for my eyes, which still appreciate all the beauty around me – even if the view is a little blurry. I’ll never have pretty model’s hands, but I have four fingers that help me to tap out what I want to say. Fingers that help me punch buttons on the phone to speak to old friends and new. Fingers that are attached to hands that reach out to offer assistance, to squeeze shoulders. Hands that are attached to arms which can swallow people up in hugs. And even if my vocal cords are toasted, I realized I have these things called ears that work really well, too.

So the jig is up.

Lucy, we’re back to living honestly.

Tomorrow, I’ll be 50 years old.

Right where I’m supposed to be.

A daughter.

A sister.

A mother.

A friend.

An artist, writer & teacher.

A contestant on Survivor.

Just kidding about Survivor.

But a girl can hold onto her dreams, right?

Have you ever lied about your age? How are you doing with this growing older thing? 

Coming Clean About My Age

Posted on

My birthday is coming up, y’all.

Yup, this summer girl was born in November.

You know what that means.

My parents got busy around Valentine’s Day.

It means this year I turn 50.

Whaaat?

Well, kind of.

Lucy watches Little Ricky's birthday party fro...
Lucy watches Little Ricky’s birthday party from the window ledge. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lucille Ball once said:

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”

How much do I Love Lucy?

Here’s the 411.

When I first started teaching, I was 23, just a few years older than some of my 12th grade students!

When I introduced myself, I made a point of tacking on a few extra years. I said I was 25. Seven extra years seemed like the right amount of padding.

When I moved to New Orleans, I continued to add years. I felt I needed the cushion, so parents would nod and smile instead of raise disapproving eyebrows. And so my students would believe I was seasoned and complete my assignments without giving me grief.

I never lied to my employers. The Headmaster and English Department Chair at Metairie Park Country day School knew precisely how green old I was when I was hired.

A few years ago, I realized I’ve been in my 40’s for nearly fifteen years.

And that made me remember my grandmother who told people she was 29.

For decades.

After she stopped wearing wigs and wore her thinning hair in loose ponytails wrapped in twine, she was 29. After her eyes dulled and her skin wrinkled, she was 29. After her toenails yellowed and her remaining teeth fell out of her mouth, she was 29.

It was preposterous.

No-one bought it. It was silly and a little pitiful.

I vowed to go the other way.

So I padded.

This year, I could have told my students that I was 50.

Because if you tack on five extra years…well, I look pretty freaking good for 50, right?

Feeling groovy.

And yet.

I’ve kind of caught up with myself.

These days, I am grateful for this body that continues to get me where it needs to go – even if I sometimes have headaches and get dizzy and fall down. I am grateful for my eyes, which still appreciate all the beauty around me – even if the view is a little blurry. I just have to remember to find put on my glasses. I will never have pretty model’s hands, but I have four fingers that help me to tap out what I want to say. Fingers that help me punch buttons on the phone to speak to old friends and new. Fingers that are attached to hands that reach out to offer assistance, to squeeze shoulders. Hands that are attached to arms which can swallow people up in hugs. And even if my vocal cords are toasted, I realized I have these things called ears that work really well, too.

So the jig is up.

Lucy, we’re back to living honestly.

On Sunday, I’ll be 45.

Right where I’m supposed to be.

A wife.

A mother.

A daughter.

A contestant on Survivor.

Just kidding.

But a girl can hold onto her dreams, right?

Have you ever lied about your age? How are you doing with the growing older thing? 

tweet me @rasjacobson

On Winning & Birthday Questions

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It’s Hump Day.

So I need to hump thank you.

Because of your votes, I won the brand new, but much coveted Peg-o-Clio Award after submitting a piece of fiction to try to come up with a use for and then “sell” a product that Peg had at her blog.

To read my winning entry, click HERE. (Note: It’s short!)

Check out my awesome cyber-trophy. Those red shoes are smokin’. I wanna get me some of those. Perhaps I should forget this whole author thing and just go into advertising. Obviously, I possess the ability to turn chicken shit into Chicken Cordon Bleu. The book thing is taking a lot longer than I ever expected.

Thanks also to all of you who voted in RobShep.com’s 2nd Annual All Star Blogging Contest. When I sent out the call to my friends on Facebook and Twitter, you came through at the polls. At one point, the two teams were in a dead heat for hours. I am confident that it is because of my followers that Team Ricky was able to close the deal. So thank you for utilizing every device you had in your houses. And offices. Seriously, y’all are the best. Be sure to check out the great blogs from BOTH teams. Because, honestly, these people are wonderful writers.

I know these little contests might seem silly to some of you, but for some of us, they are fun and they offer our writing community the opportunity to offer a little recognition to some of the stellar writers here in the blogosphere. I’m hoping to one day read a book by The Good Greatsby and I can’t wait for Tamara Lunardo‘s anthology of essays What A Woman Is Worth to hit the shelves!

Last, I wanted to remind you that if you haven’t yet asked TechSupport a question for his birthday, you still have a chance to do that HERE by 8/12. All questions must be on the blog. On August 13, 2012, TechSupport will be made to sit in a chair and write responses. I will not correct his grammar. (Who am I kidding? Yes I will. I am going to try to get him to remember when to use capital letters and commas and how to identify run-on sentences. And fragments.)

NOTE: Be sure to read the questions that people have already posted so you aren’t asking the same question that has already been asked already so you aren’t asking it again which would be repetitive and redundant.

Do you see what I did there?

If you ask a question that has already been asked, Tech might ignore you. I would hate for that to happen!

Happy Wednesday everyone!

What good things have been happening to you? Who do you need to hump thank?

Tweet This Twit @rasjacobson