inappropriate movies for tweens
It’s summer. We’ve had a lot of 11 to 12-year-old boys hanging around the house. When it’s raining, they become basement dwellers playing ping-pong or Legos and K’Nex or Wii. I hear their mutterings.
Not long ago, one of Monkey’s friends was over. Let’s call him Steve-o. (Note, Monkey’s friend’s name is not Steve-o, but he was trying really hard to be cool, and I find that when you add an “o” to anyone’s name, it sometimes achieves that affect. Not always, but sometimes. Try it.)
So Steve-o’s talking about movies he’d recently seen. He announces that he’d just seen Dude, Where’s My Car?
Monkey had never heard of it.
Dude, Where’s My Car? is about two dudes who get totally wasted and forget where they parked their car.
That’s pretty much it. That’s the basic premise.
How do I know this? Because hubby and I once rented it.
(Let the judgment begin. I can take it.)
I feel compelled to tell you a little more about this flick, so if you had big plans to rent it, this is your chance to skip the rest of this post and just answer the question in blue at the bottom.
Monkey’s friend forgot to mention that during the course of the movie, things get a little sci-fi. Not my favorite genre. So, it’s kind of hard for me to recall all the details of the movie because I got up a few times to wash dishes and organize the condiments in the refrigerator, but the stoners meet these gorgeous, large-breasted, female aliens. And honestly, I have no problem with that. Especially when they are wearing really tight, black jumpsuits. Because seriously, that’s hot and what else would gorgeous aliens wear?
That said, I’d imagine this part of the film is probably a lot steamier if one has experienced puberty.
Anyway, the stoners also run into these weirdos who have some kind of Continuum Transfiguration machine cleverly disguised as a Rubik’s cube that accidentally gets activated and, of course, can potentially destroy the universe.
Ninety-six percent of women reading this are rolling their eyes.
This is when I started folding laundry.
Hubby was digging the flick.
At the end the movie, the stoners (of course) save the universe, and they even find their car. Oh, and the aliens erase everyone’s memories (of course) but leave gifts for the stoners’ girlfriends which are actually for our young slackers’ enjoyment: breast enhancement necklaces.
Okay, fine. Whatever.
As we ate our respective salads, I asked Monkey’s pal, “So Steve-o, do you think that movie is appropriate for people your age?”
Steve-o hesitated. “I’m not really sure. I mean my parents didn’t know my little brother and I were watching it. We just downloaded it from Netflix to the Wii.”
I didn’t even know that was possible.
(Note to self: Figure out how to not make that happen.)
Steve-o continued, “It did have a transsexual stripper in it so maybe it’s not for really little kids. But it sure was funny.” He smiled to himself. Then he looked up at me in all earnestness and said, “At least it was funny until my dad caught us. I’ll probably never know how that movie ends.”
Realizing he’d never know the planet was saved, I felt kinda bad for Steve-o.
I wondered should I tell him about the Breast Enhancement Necklaces.
Instead, I stuck a big forkful of salad in my mouth. You know, to silence myself.
What is the most inappropriate movie you have ever caught your children watching? Or you watched (or tried to watch) as a kid?