I’m wicked competitive.
No matter what I do, I want to be the best at it.
I don’t mean the best that I can be.
I mean the best as compared to all the people.
As a gymnast, I was taught it was necessary and possible to be as close to perfect as possible.
As a teacher, I strove to create perfect lessons.
As a wife, I tried to make a perfect home, tidy and warm and well decorated.
I aimed for perfection as a mother, too.
(Sorry TechSupport.)
I’m not saying this perfection thing is a good thing.
I’m just saying, I tend to go for blood be outcome-oriented.
My son works differently.
(You guys remember TechSupport, right?)
He’s process-oriented.
When he was younger, we had plenty of conversations where I’d ask him about how he felt about his performance in some athletic endeavor or something.
“I learned a lot,” he’d say and shrug, as if to add, No big deal, mom.
Anyway, because I’m feeling pretty dang good, energetic and cognitively clear, and because I’m coming back to life and feel invested in living again, I’m aware that one of my less pleasant character traits has reared its ugly head.
Yup, my competitive nature flared today.
I found myself thinking that I need to be better.
That I need to take more art classes and sell more products, get my work into more boutiques, be bigger-er and more famous-er, that I need to be the best artist in the whole world.
But how does a person “win” at art?
It’s ridiculous.
When I paint or draw or create something, I’m 100% in the moment – much the way I am when I look at a field of sunflowers, enjoy a coconut ice cream cone, take a dip in the ocean, or feel a lover’s mouth against my own.
Embarrassed by my own thinking, I decided to meditate on it and, after a while, I realized that I’ve been holding onto a misperception.
I was taught to believe that one’s work is only as valuable as the money one receives for doing that work.
I think a lot of us grew up with that ethos.
It’s an old belief.
And old beliefs die hard.
These days, I operate under a completely different set of beliefs.
- The Universe has a plan for me.
- The Universe wants me to do what I love.
- When I do what I love, the money follows.
- The Universe can change its plans for you at any time.
Apparently, the Universe wants me to do 3 things: paint, write, and help people who are coming off psychiatric medications.
(they need to know the body really does know how to heal.)
So that’s what I’m doing.
It’s enough.
Tonight I’m shrugging my shoulders and laughing.
And realizing I need to dial back my intensity a bit.
It’s all coming together.
I don’t have to have it all figured out today.
(thank goodness, because i soooo don’t.)
I know the Universe has big plans for us all in the new year.
Can’t wait for 2017 to begin.
What ONE thing do you believe the Universe wants you to accomplish in 2017?