because life doesn’t fit in a file folder

3 Things the Universe Wants Me to Do

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I’m wicked competitive.

No matter what I do, I want to be the best at it.

I don’t mean the best that I can be.

I mean the best as compared to all the people.

As a gymnast, I was taught it was necessary and possible to be as close to perfect as possible.

As a teacher, I strove to create perfect lessons.

As a wife, I tried to make a perfect home, tidy and warm and well decorated.

I aimed for perfection as a mother, too.

(Sorry TechSupport.)

I’m not saying this perfection thing is a good thing.

I’m just saying, I tend to go for blood be outcome-oriented.

My son works differently.

(You guys remember TechSupport, right?)

He’s process-oriented.

When he was younger, we had plenty of conversations where I’d ask him about how he felt about his performance in some athletic endeavor or something.

“I learned a lot,” he’d say and shrug, as if to add, No big deal, mom.

Anyway, because I’m feeling pretty dang good, energetic and cognitively clear, and because I’m coming back to life and feel invested in living again, I’m aware that one of my less pleasant character traits has reared its ugly head.

fullsizerender-2Yup, my competitive nature flared today.

I found myself thinking that I need to be better.

That I need to take more art classes and sell more products, get my work into more boutiques, be bigger-er and more famous-er, that I need to be the best artist in the whole world.

But how does a person “win” at art?

It’s ridiculous.

When I paint or draw or create something, I’m 100% in the moment – much the way I am when I look at a field of sunflowers, enjoy a coconut ice cream cone, take a dip in the ocean, or feel a lover’s mouth against my own.

Embarrassed by my own thinking, I decided to meditate on it and, after a while, I realized that I’ve been holding onto a misperception.

I was taught to believe that one’s work is only as valuable as the money one receives for doing that work.

I think a lot of us grew up with that ethos.

It’s an old belief.

And old beliefs die hard.

These days, I operate under a completely different set of beliefs.

  1. The Universe has a plan for me.
  2. The Universe wants me to do what I love.
  3. When I do what I love, the money follows.
  4. The Universe can change its plans for you at any time.

Apparently, the Universe wants me to do 3 things: paint, write, and help people who are coming off psychiatric medications.

(they need to know the body really does know how to heal.)

So that’s what I’m doing.

It’s enough.

Tonight I’m shrugging my shoulders and laughing.

And realizing I need to dial back my intensity a bit.

It’s all coming together.

I don’t have to have it all figured out today.

(thank goodness, because i soooo don’t.)

I know the Universe has big plans for us all in the new year.

Can’t wait for 2017 to begin.

What ONE thing do you believe the Universe wants you to accomplish in 2017?

13 thoughts on “3 Things the Universe Wants Me to Do

  1. Renee, this was SO PLEASING to read! As your son did/does so well… “you went through the process” of dialing back your competitive intensity for perfection! Well done woman! 😀 Did you know that when one seeks SO MUCH PERFECTION (anywhere, internally and/or externally)… by default you find IMPERFECTION in equal amounts you seek its bed-partner. LOL 😉 So happy to see you finding the true real “marrow of life”!!!

    “What ONE thing do you believe the Universe wants you to accomplish in 2017?”

    Get my widowed Mom out of her huge energy-draining, pocket-book draining (2.600 sq ft) Ranchito home on 11-acres and into a more realistic modest place to live out the rest of her life unchained and unslaved to materialism & consumerism! But I do NOT want her in a physically or mentally sedentary environment as if on Death Row. Ugh… no frickin’ WAY! Then once that is done, restart my own life in grad school while working with/for and teaching/counseling psych, A&D, and Special Ed adolescents and adults! My gifts and passion lay there in that environment. 😀

    1. Professor! This is such a beautiful response. First, thank you for your words of affirmation. I’m literally just learning how to dial back my intensity. It’s definitely my default. I’m just hard-wired in a weird way. I gravitate towards high-highs and danger. I just do. But I’m learning to ask myself important questions: Will this be good for me in the long term? Much of the time, I can’t tell – and I simply am learning to trust the Universe to guide me.

      Moving your mom is a very good idea. I, too, am in a very expensive apartment and that situation simply must change ASAP! So important to make sure that she is still going to be actively engaged in life.

      1. Mmmm, thank you! And you are well on your way to becoming a ROCK-STAR Universa-tilian!!! 😉

        Sounds like an alien reptile doesn’t it? LOL

        1. Thanks for your vote of confidence, PT. You seem to believe in me more than I believe in myself. I understand that, too, as there are many people whose talent I recognize, but they don’t see it. Why did G-d build us that way?

          1. Hahaha! You ask the most provocative questions sometimes Renee! LOL 😉

  2. I’ve had to come to that realization also. I’ve been building tables and other furniture for the last several years in my spare time. God, the universe, whatever, has been telling me that I need to do more. So come January, I will be jumping in full tilt. While I’ll keep my day job, I will be taking orders and fulfilling them as fast as possible.

    1. What I meant to say was that I would be keeping my day job initially, I hope to have enough work / income for this to become full time rather than part time. I’m also looking for shop space outside my home as I know I’ll need to be bigger than I am now just to get things done in a more timely fashion.

      I also need a proof reader to see that I’ve completed my thoughts prior to posting…

    2. Eric! I’m so proud of you and thrilled to hear that you are hoping to transition into a new endeavor where you’ll be able to do more of what you love. I’ve seen photos of some of your work, and it is impressive! When I finally get myself relocated (hopefully somewhere warm), it is my hope to call on all my artisan friends to help me furnish my home. I’d love one of your tables! Maybe we can do a trade?!

  3. Renee, glad to hear you’re on the right course. I have always been very un-competitive in most situations and could use a strong dose of your drive. Fear of failure guided me to under-achieve. Now you know my secret. The Universe wants me to continue on the path of oil painting and other artistic endeavors in 2017 ansd am doing so!

    1. Hi Carol! Thank you for checking in. You and I are so similar! I see your talent! Why don’t you see it? So strange, isn’t it, that we can see it in other people but not ourselves.

  4. “It is enough.”
    Such a hard thing to accept.

    Being human and only able to go as far as our humanity allows.
    Even harder.

    I am not perfect?!
    And can never be???
    Impossible!!!

    Doomed before we begin.
    Failure written into our flesh, Engineered into our existence,
    Coded into our DNA.

    Even before we are born,
    This work
    Of a fatigued god’s hands,
    In the eve
    Of our maker’s rest,
    Absent the label,
    “Damaged gods”,
    We and our compatriots,
    Pronounced Good…
    And enough.

  5. I am so proud of you. Mom

  6. > What ONE thing do you believe the Universe wants you to accomplish in 2017?

    To stop remembering the good ol’ days and enjoy the ones I am in.

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