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Sucked Into Slutty Halloween Costumes

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This blog entry by Kathy English, author of the amazing blog “Mom Crusades” is one of the best articles I’ve read on how Halloween costumes have morphed from simple, home-made creations into an entire industry of expensive outfits. And when it comes to girls’ (and women’s) costumes well, let’s just say the choices are sometimes downright skanky!

For those of you who don’t know me (and for those of you who do, before I am accused of being a total hypocrite), I have to confess, I’m kind of known for displaying my inner slut on Halloween. Hubby and I like to throw costume parties every few years and I have been a naughty teacher (typecast?), a St. Pauli Girl, a French Maid, even a slutty pirate. Once I wore a really short toga. A. Really. Short. Toga.

Here’s why:

On Halloween 1999, a mere two months after my son was born, hubby and I decided to go with a “family theme” — you know, because I was about 50 pounds heavier than I was accustomed to weighing. It seemed like a good idea at the time. My husband was a farmer – complete with red flannel shirt and overalls – our son was a cute little heifer, and  I … I  was a big, fat momma cow (complete with over-sized, pink, rubber udders).

Oh. My. Gosh. Never did I feel less attractive. I really felt like a cow personified. The fact that I had to go upstairs and actually pump breast milk in the middle of the evening did not help things. As I sat attached to my industrial strength Medela pump, I vowed to never again wear something on Halloween that made me feel unfeminine.

So I agree with Kathy’s blog 100% . . . but I am not going to be a hobo with facial hair for Halloween.

What is the best costume you ever wore for Halloween?

25 thoughts on “Sucked Into Slutty Halloween Costumes

  1. Wow! Thanks for the nod in your blog 🙂

    Like you, I like to have some fun with my costume on Halloween – and if I had your figure, I’d be a St. Pauli Girl, too; I know all too well the feeling of being the dairy cow!

    I don’t care too much what the adults wear, I just wish the kids wouldn’t wear the slutty stuff. And – the adults need to keep their “adult” costumes for the adult parties – not the kids’ school parties 🙂

    1. Agreed. No one should be wearing slutty wear to school.

  2. Slutty pirate, eh? I’ve always said that nothing is sexier than scurvy. Bleeding gums get me every time.

    A few years ago, I dressed as a hillbilly farmer, complete with Billy Bob teeth, suspenders, straw hat, etc. Wife did same but wore skirt and carried farm implement. Both of us pulled clothing down in rear to expose about three or four inches of buttocks. She was a crack hoe, I was her crack dealin’ pimp. I thought it was brilliant. Nobody else got it.

    I don’t think that you’d be a bad hobo. Don’t underestimate yourself.

    Trick or treat,

    Chase

    1. You are so invited to our next party. We need a little butt crack to liven things up. Clever clever. Oh, but leave the kiddies at home. You know, so I can get my inner-skank on. 😉

  3. In 1976 I was Uncle Sam and then wife was Statue of Liberty. So since it was 1976 Bicentennial year of patriotism , we were the darlings everywhere we went. I think costume for present time should be a banker with noose around neck and axe in head or political candidate with no mouth since none seem to have anything to say of substance. Yeah, I know, politics don’t belong a “just have fun” events, but I’d still love to make a shark costume with a bankster in my jaws!

    1. Back in the 1970s, my parents went to a costume party as the Swine Flu. I think one was a pig and the other was a doctor or something like that. People thought they were very clever.

      I also think that people were very high. 😉

  4. It’s Halloween. Have fun in whatever costume makes you happy. In college I once went to a Halloween party dressed as a lower case letter i. I had a dot suspended over my head. I don’t know how many people understood what I was, but I amused myself, at least.

    1. See, I appreciate that kind of thing. Hubby, not so much. He wants costumes. If you came to one of our parties, hubby would have made you go home and put on your mummy suit. Once, when I was in grad school, some guy came to one of my costume parties carrying a light-bulb over his head. He said he was “an idea.” I thought that was pretty good. My roommate at the time told him to hit the road and come back when he had a real costume.

      It might be an English teacher thing. I like puns.

      1. I love the “idea” idea! Now I’m all set for Halloween!

        1. You could also be a “rubber tree.” Get some branches and cover them with condoms. 😉 Really easy. Not you. The project. On second thought, maybe go with the light-bulb.

      2. I think it is an English teacher thing. I get that “What-the-hell-are-you-talking-about?” look a lot with my punnage. But I entertain myself, so in the end, that’s all that matters.

        Well eyes matter, too, I guess.

        See? I’m a dumbass. But I enjoy it.

        Punningly,

        Chase

  5. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lauren Kaminsky and Renee Jacobson, Renee Jacobson. Renee Jacobson said: Sucked Into Slutty Halloween Costumes: http://wp.me/pViQq-wq […]

  6. I was never good at coming up with Halloween costume ideas. And I too did the typical slutty girl ones in college. I miss the creative homemade ones! Especially group ones. I try desperately to steer my girls away from the “sexy” looks but each year it gets tougher. It’s the one battle I don’t back down from. When all the middle school girls are dressed in skimpy little Red Riding Hood and Cinderella outfits my skin crawls.

    1. I miss the homemade costumes, too. Once hubby spent hours painting and crafting and elaborate sports-car out of a cardboard box so our son could be a race-car driver. Within 15 seconds of wearing the costume (which took two weeks to make), Monkey decided he “couldn’t move too good” and he discarded the box at the side of the road.

      It was an awesome costume. I have the pix to prove it. Hubby was a little peeved.

      Monkey said, “Sorry daddy. I wanted to be a race-car driver, not a race-car.”

      Touché.

  7. I noticed the abundant amount of stripper wear [women’s Halloween costumes] at several of those pop up Halloween stores at the mall. Honestly, there was SO much of it, almost everything in the women’s section was slutty.

    I guess the only way to avoid it is to don a Freddy Kruger mask. One of my friends was baffled as to why the picture of the female ninja costume she bought showed the model in stripper platforms.

    1. All the best dressed ninjas are wearing stripper platforms. Didn’t you see that in your latest Skank magazine? It’s all the rave! 😉

  8. No Renee………!!!!! Say it ain’t so.

  9. P.S. You look hot, though!

  10. I think your costume is great and you look fantastic! I agree with Kathy’s blog too — it’s shocking what parents wear to my kids’ school for Halloween parties. Secretly, it’s the reason I go to the parties (aside from the whole supportive parent bit).

    Wishing I could pull off the St. Pauli Girl costume,
    Amy

  11. There was writing in this post? I must’ve got distracted by the photo. No, you look great and it’s true about the costumes for ladies. Since I’m a guy I don’t have to worry about revealing too much Clayveage.

  12. My best costume was being a house with a flower garden. I must give my mom all the credit. She was talented. I won first prize. Years later, I now love working in a garden and selling and listing homes. Maybe my mom knew something about my future. Weird but wonderful. I just love the costume you are wearing in this blog, Renee. Isn’t it nice to dress up the way you want to be! Happy Halloween in advance.

  13. I think it’s a lovely costume… but, you do look like you have had a few St. Pauli Girls…

  14. Superman, duh. I was five. I had a blue onesey with feet and a cape. It was awesome. However, I may have gotten my penis stuck in the zipper. There may have been blood. Awesome has a heavy price.

    1. That is hilarious.

      Sorry to hear about your penis. I hope your new one is waaaay stronger. 😉

      1. It really is… but it still has a sensitive side.

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