Family Humor

I’m Sorry The US Postal System Wrecked Your Christmas

Dear L’il Niece and Nephew:

As you may or may not know, I absolutely hate to shop, but this year I went out and actually found cool stuff for both of you! L’il Niece, I got you that unicorn that you wanted and Nephew I was almost able to get that cool guy that you love from that awesome YouTube video to come to your house, but instead I ended up getting you a unicorn, too.

They were having a buy one/get one thing, and I figured if your sister was going to have one, what’s one more unicorn in the barn? I mean, they eat rainbows, right? So it’s not like they cost very much or anything. Anyway, I was really psyched about having completed my holiday shopping early because not only was I done in time which we all know is rare (like unicorns), but I also knew I was mailing everything with plenty of time for everything to get there in time for all the festivities.

That was waaay back on December 9, 2011.

And then, right before Christmas, your mom called me and told me that neither unicorn had arrived.

I had a bad feeling because I didn’t insure anything this year.

Anyway, as K$sha would say, I’m pretty sure I’m on the family $hit list.

And I just wanted you all to know that I apologize.

I have learned my lesson.

In the future, presents will be sent in November and from here on out, everything will be insured.

And don’t worry, your gifts will get way more interesting.

I’m thinking packs of pencils or bags of rocks.

Or both.

Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year.

I love you both and hope you can forgive the United States Postal Service even though they really $uck.

Because I think we all know someone who probably deserved a lump of coal is totally loving those unicorns right now.

Any post office horror stories? Misery loves company.

29 thoughts on “I’m Sorry The US Postal System Wrecked Your Christmas

  1. I have Canadian postal horror stories. Most of it is related to the community I live in. I live in one of those areas where every street starts with the same word, like Willow. There’s Willow Ridge Lane, Willow Sunrise Court, Willow View, Willow Drive, Willow Gate, etc. I believe I got our letter carrier fired because I complained so much on misdirected mail. The worst was when I almost missed a $2K grading contract because it never arrived; thankfully, they tried my school when I didn’t respond. Birthday cards with lotto tickets have not arrived, and who knows what else.

    But yours is worse. It’s for kids.

    1. This is hilarious! (And might I add, fodder for good blog.) Losing a $2K contract would have sucked, but you got the save there.

      I have to say losing those unicorns totally sucked.

      Because they were for the kids.

      Do you plan to ever get The Things back? Or just have them float around the world since, clearly, they will never be able to come home.

  2. I love – Anyway, as K$sha would say, I’m pretty sure I’m on the family $hit list.
    I just got back another one of my hand made cards YESTERDAY for 20 cents postage!! Seriously????

    Let me know where you ordered those unicorns…. : D

    1. Susie:

      Oh, I got the deal on the unicorns at silly! They were also selling woolly mammoths at the time, but they are all out now. In fact, I see the website is down.

      Which is weird, right?

      And what is worse than mail coming back?

      (That is a blog right there?)

      You’ve slaved to make a perfect card, they STAMP all over it and then still send it back? Really? Couldn’t they just deliver it?

  3. I did custom postage for my wedding invitations (a pic of our Dia de los Muertos cake topper). I took the completed invite to the post office first to see how much I needed to make the stamps for. They weighed and measured and gave me the number and I ordered the stamps and when I went to send them out, the same post office told me I needed more postage on them. I had to add a Wilma Rudolph to every one.

    1. JM: I am guessing you never want to see another picture of WIlma Rudolph again. Because that is positively horrifying. But at least you caught it.

      Meanwhile (on a related note) my friend just sent out bar mitzvah invitations. I do not have the heart to tell her that the postage is going up, so some of those reply cards might not make it back.

      Something tells me she’s going to be making a lot of phone calls.

    1. Is that where I went wrong? The elves at they said snail mail was perfectly appropriate because the unicorns would magically shrink down and ride on the backs of the snails. Anywhere within the continental United States.

      Maybe I missed something in the fine print. 😉

  4. The USPS is terrible! No wonder why they are shutting down so many branches.

    I almost ordered my daughter her very own pet dragon, but when it took three weeks to get a lowly t-shirt from New Jersey, I canceled the dragon order.

    I’ll find a dragon somewhere else!

    Great post.

  5. My 4 yo so wanted a real, pet unicorn for Christmas. She said that Santa would be able to get it for her. He didn’t deliver. She is hoping that the unicorn will arrive for her birthday or next Christmas. Perhaps her unicorn is with your niece and nephew’s unicorns.

  6. The post office in our town is notorious for losing mail. We have several friends who Bar/Bat Mitzvah or wedding invitations were not delivered to several invitees. They were quite embarrassed making follow up calls to people who thought they were not being included. When it was my turn to mail invites I drove to a post office 2 towns over. I’m happy to report we had no delivery problems ????.

  7. Oh no!!!

    That is terribly frustrating, but I hope you were joking when you said you’d be on the family shit list.

    Because crap like this happens. More often than not, I’m just guilty of not even buying gifts in time. I’m always late with shipping and am the worst gift-purchaser of all time.

    I’ve considered blogging about my notoriously AWFUL choices for presents over the years.

    So forgive yourself. And continue to hate the USPS.

    And when you get that bag of rocks for me, I’m sorry. I told you I suck at gifts.

    1. I am a horrible gift buyer.

      In fact, I dread birthdays and holidays.

      I suck that hard.

      And at any given time I am on the family $hit list.

      Julie, I’m trying to forgive myself, but I’ve been messing up with so many things lately… this just seemed like another FAIL.


  8. The US postal service managed to lose the presents I got for my own kids. They couldn’t understand why I would send the presents from China to the US and then back to China. I couldn’t explain my reasoning but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Your Cart
    Your cart is emptyReturn to Shop