Humor Love

Helplessly Hoping David Crosby Notices Me

Back in May, Kevin Haggerty asked an intriguing question in a blog post: “If you could talk to the you of 5-10 years ago, what would you say to yourself?” (Both Leanne Shirtliffe and Jessica Buttram wrote a gorgeous letters to their 20-year selves. Kevin later went further back and wrote a letter to his 2-year old self.)

I, of course, had to go in a different direction.

Instead of talking to myself, I decided to write a letter to David Crosby in December of 1967.

In real life, I would have been 1 month old. But for the purposes of this exercise, I am going to ask you to suspend your disbelief and please pretend I am 21 years old. You know, so this doesn’t get any creepier than it already is.

• • •

Loved him then…

Hi David. I know that you have this thing for Joni Mitchell and everything, but the thing is that I have been crushing on you for a really long time. When you sing “Guinnevere,” I tremble.

Wait, you might not have written that song yet.

Let me check.

No, you didn’t write it until 1969.

But that’s good.

Because now I’m sure that when you sing about how Guinnevere has “green eyes, like yours / lady, like yours,” I am certain you have always been talking about me.

And when you wrote “Triad,” I know you didn’t really want to have a ménage a trois. You were just restless. You wanted out of the Byrds. You were just pushing the envelope. It was the era. Everyone was all about free love and stuff. I like to push the boundaries, too. Everyone once in a while I like to be naughty. Sometimes I sunbathe topless in my backyard or dance on tabletops in bars.

But that Joni? She’s just going to hurt you, David. She’s going to fool around with Graham Nash and Jackson Browne and a lot of other people, too. Because she’s a hot chick with a cool vibe and a guitar. And she is ambitious, David. She’s like a wild horse: beautiful — but you are not going to get that one to settle down.

I know that there are going to be some tough times for you. Unwelcome events like car wrecks which will leave you wanting to escape. I know you will want to pull away from everyone during these times. That you will seek comfort in needles. And being “Wasted on the Way” might work for a time, but I would follow you into the “Cathedral” and hold you while the demons swirl around us.

I know you love to sail. You have seen “The Southern Cross,” floated all along “The Lee Shore,” and have seen time stop on the “Delta.” I’m a Scorpio, a water sign: the most passionate sign in the horoscope. I love to write the way I imagine you love to compose music. I understand the magic of putting words together, how even cigarette smoke can smell beautiful sometimes – if you lay it down just so.

Oh, David, if you pick me, I would dance for you — the way I have since 1982.

So pick me, David.

Let me be your “Lady of the Island.”

Your “Dark Star.”

I’ll be “Helplessly Hoping” forever.

Love him now.

The last time I saw you perform, you recognized me. You waved, whispered to Graham, and then you dedicated “Guinnevere” to me.

“To the girl in white,” you said.

So I’m telling you, David, that I’ll be at CMAC on June 12th, wearing white – along with my magic beads — like I always do.

And when I smile, you’ll know it’s for you.

Only for you.

If you were going to write a letter to someone famous upon whom you’ve always crushed, to whom would you write? And what would you say?

Tweet this twit @rasjacobson

32 thoughts on “Helplessly Hoping David Crosby Notices Me

  1. My brother had a drink w/ David C. at a swanky LA golf earlier this year. If only I had known then, John could have passed along your letter!

    1. No, for real… he WAS singing for me at the last concert I went to. Both he and Graham dedicated songs to me. My best friend was there as a witness. She said she never would have believed it if she hadn’t seen it with her own two eyes. And Graham gave me his pick at the end of the show. I’ve been going to their concerts for… um… waaaay too long. 😉

    1. I do have magic beads. Maybe I should write a post about my magic beads. I made them in 1999. Only when I wear my magic beads do I get special treatment. If I do not, I am 100% invisible. This has only been tested twice since 1999, and I was devastated. This is probably my 40th show. Crazy.

  2. I laughed so hard I teared up at this: “Oh, David, if you pick me, I would dance for you — the way I have since 1982.” Touching, funny, totally entertaining post. I haven’t crushed on a celeb in a while, or much at all really. But I’ve always looked up to musicians, authors and activists. I met the Indigo Girls, Joan Baez, Melissa Etheridge and others by wearing a paper plate on my head with a friend of mine. We sent notes back, scripted on plates, and met up with the singers after their concerts. Not sure if we’d get away with it as easily as grownups… 😉

    1. I know Colin is your man. And I know about your special encounter. And it’s true, you Canadian women do seem to have secret powers. Hmmm. Maybe I need to move to Canada for a while and maybe THEN David will fall in love with me and forget about Joni. Or something. I don’t know. All I’m saying is that I’m getting on stage next week. That is the goal. 😉

  3. I am very jealous of you but loved the letter. You are living the life, Renee. I would have to write one to Sting then maybe he can dedicate a song to me one day. Not holding my breath though…

  4. Wait. How will he know that you have been dancing for him since 1982 if he’s still in 1967? I was confused by the time change when I landed in Hong Kong. Maybe whatever he’s smokin’ in 1967 will help transport him to 1982. Or 2012. Oooh. Is it like The Time Traveller’s Wife? Does David appear naked on your doorstep? 😉

  5. Hmm, David Crosby – a fine musician.

    I was always crushing on ONJ – Grease era. So sweet. I know she was singing my name when she was singing to Danny Zucko. 🙂

  6. Oh Renee! I love this letter for so many reasons, but mostly because you mentioned your topless sunbathing. And, you know, also because I’m obsessed with having pretend conversations with celebs (today’s post, even! LOL!) – so you know my letter pick is Second Husband, Darren Criss. But it’s a long list, really. My favorite actor is Leonardo DiCaprio, so he’s up there.

    And I hope it works! Tom from “Restaurant Impossible” read the letter I recently blogged to him, after all! Dreams really do come true, especially for girls with magic beads (I think we all know how you got those beads… ;))

    1. I know you have had many brushes with greatness lately. I’m hoping that my magic beads work their magic again this time. Maybe I’ve jinxed it now that I’ve written about them. We’ll see.

      I’ve been lame about getting over to your place. As soon as this Bar Mitzvah is over, I’ll be back to reading blogs. I just don’t have enough hours in the day! Don’t give up on me, baby! 😉

      1. No, I think they’re more magical than ever! And quite frankly, between party planning and novel authoring, I’d be upset if you were spending time at my blog right now. I’ll keep you in the loop if anything stellar happens, like a Second Hub or John Stamos spotting. Also?? I soooo hope you go to BlogHer!

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