Humor Parenting

How Having a Wedgie Made Me Realize My Son is Becoming a Man

Me in my Express Jeans. Size 2.

It was a regular day.

I spent a few hours at school, met a former student, ran to the post-office, stopped at the grocery store to pick up that one necessary yet missing ingredient for dinner — just like any other day.

On the way home, while sitting in my car, I noticed my jeans were a little… uncomfortable.

You know, they were a little… tight.

By the time I rolled into my driveway, I definitely had a… wedgie.

I couldn’t wait to get out of those pants.

As I yanked the faded denim over my knees, I saw them: little button tabs on the inside of the waistband.

I sucked in my breath.

Old Navy Boys Jeans, Size 16.

Because I realized I hadn’t been wearing my pants.

They were my 12-year-old son’s jeans from Old Navy.

I am horrified amazed that my son and I are the same size.

And yet, I shouldn’t be surprised.

We’re wearing the same shoes.

Or rather, I can wear his shoes.

When I hear the mail truck coming, I often slip into his sneakers: the ones he so conveniently leaves by the door.

Of course, I know what this means.

From here on out, he will continue to grow.

And soon he will pass me.

Eventually, I will look up at my child.

And that will be a whole new thing.

Although in some ways, I have always looked up to him.

Watching my son become a man is about so much more than watching him slip into and out of his different sizes of clothes.


He’s always known exactly who he is.

I’ve been the one who has had to adjust my expectations about who I thought he might be.

Just like I probably needed to let out a few tabs on his jeans the other day, now I have to adjust to the idea that my son is becoming a man.

With his own ideas.

And his own interests.

And his own methods.

Which don’t always align with mine.

Emotionally, Tech has always been an old soul.

But now the changes are physical.

I realize our state of equilibrium is temporary.

Like receiving an alert from my iPhone, it is a gentle reminder, that while I am still in him…

…he is out-growing me.

Do boys outgrow their mommas?

(NOTE: Clearly, we have to start being more careful with the laundry. Theoretically, Tech could make the same mistake and end up wearing my jeans. And that would be bad.)

I’m thinking this look would not go over well in the boys’ locker room.

Tweet this Twit @rasjacobson

47 thoughts on “How Having a Wedgie Made Me Realize My Son is Becoming a Man

  1. Size 2? Gawd, I think I’ll have to hate you now.

    Great piece, Renee – goofy, yet wise. This growing up business sure ain’t for the faint of heart, is it?


    1. First of all, I think size 2 is the same as size 6. Because I have those also, and they are fine.

      But yes, this whole growing up thing is crazy. My sister-in-law looked at him yesterday and said: “He looks huge to me.” *weep*

  2. Love this! I had all 4 kids home last week and had a roller coaster of emotions seeing how much they all have grown up (and not..ha), how they are all becoming their own person, how they are developing “adult” relationships with one another (and not). Here’s what never changes though….”Hey mom” “Dude mom…” “Mama…”

    And size 2? Really? Kind of envious!

    1. Hi Carrie! As I said before, my size 2 is suspiciously like my size 6 jeans from The Gap from several years back. I think they just keep downsizing. I was just using that for reference.

      “Dude mom” is hilarious. With only one at home, so much of our attention goes to him. We notice everything. Poor thing is under a microscope. I’m sure he can’t wait to get away to summer camp. Then his clothes will be out of the general circulation for a few weeks and he can wear other people’s clothes. 😉

    1. Right? They are practically identical? It was an easy mistake. Except for the short in the crotch thing. I would actually PAY him if he would put on my bejeweled jeans and let me take his picture for follow up to this post. That would be excellent. Except I actually thing he outgrew them last night. 😉

  3. Looking “up” to my sons has made me prouder than any report card on the fridge ever did. They’ve become such wonderful men!

    And while the two of you may be outgrowing your old relationship, you’re going to settle into your wonderful, new one. The one where he asks your opinion about things before he makes his own decisions. And sends you a text message telling you he’s going to his friend’s house instead of calling to ask for permission. And makes you swell with pride when people outside of your world compliment you on your wonderful son.

    Be proud, mama.

    1. It’s so true. He is becoming. And people do tell me they just think he is the bomb. He has some great role models in his life, and I feel so fortunate that he is making such good decisions. Most of the time. 😉 I imagine this Saturday I will be kvelling while I’m swelling with pride.

      Good thing I’m wearing a dress that day. 😉

    1. Shirtsleeves, these size 2 jeans are the same as my size 6 Gap jeans. I don’t even know what size I am anymore. I was just saying what these are for reference.

      That said, yes. Four. Days.

      And yes, there will be many chunky ladies singing the whole way. 😉

  4. I have two twelve year old boys and I am having all the same feelings. They come up to cuddle on a chair and I realized I am putting my head on their shoulder. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT KIND OF SMILEY TO ADD! It’s not a sad 🙁 or happy 🙂

    Loved the story and the pics and so… 🙂 😉

    1. Hi Abbie. Yes, I just came over to see who you are. You are a great writer, and I just left you a note about the whole squeegeeing the shower thing. I am going to laugh about that all day!

      At least you are still getting cuddles. My soon-to-be teen has definitely cut back on the snuggles. It is killing me. But I still get them at night. Bedtime is still there. I hope that doesn’t disappear anytime soon.

      Nice to meet you!

      1. Thanks for coming by. I have been doing this “whole thing” going on four months and I love it when I find another person, like you, that I can relate to their stories. Love the name “Teachers and Twits.” I am still terrified of teachers, (being a lifelong twit myself) and so I am coming around I guess. Ha, ha! I don’t know about being a “great writer” but THANKS! My parents never made me go to school, and so the whole grammar and punctuation thing has escaped me. I like to tell stories, but I figured I couldn’t get people to come over everyday to sit around my kitchen table, so I better start typing. I just hope someone finds my misplaced punctuation endearing.

    1. JCG: That could totally happen. Both my nephews are good sized men now, so it’s in the genes. And my brother is a giant – as was my maternal grandfather. Even my husband is over six feet as well. I’m already getting confused with their socks. They both are getting mad at me, but I can’t seem to keep straight which socks are attached to which person.

      You can totally borrow my jeans. Nothing would make me happier than to have you in my jeans. IYKWIM. 😉

    1. I don’t even know my “size.” I have jeans from size 2 all the way up to size 8. And they ALL fit! Whatever. I just threw that number in for reference. Size 16 at Old Navy boys = Express size 2.

      What will happen when he is size 18 at Old Navy? He will be BIGGER than me! He will have passed me.

      Holy crap!

      This is the natural order of things, right?

      This is supposed to happen.

      I’m supposed to be thrilled that I have a tall, strapping son.

      But still… it tugs at the heartstrings. Because soon he will be looking down at me. I’ve never had that experience before.

  5. Ha! Oh, that’s great. That must’ve been a relief, too. From everything you’ve said so far, I think Tech Support is just gonna keep getting better with age. Like a great pair of jeans 😉

    1. Omigosh! I wish I had thought of that analogy. Except both my Express jeans and his Old Navy jeans are pieces of crap. Seriously. But I know what you mean. And thank you, Jules. You are the bestest! For reals. 😉

  6. Jake is 15 now. He wears larger clothes than both his father and his step dad. When he was about 12ish I was wearing his hand-me-downs. He now towers over all his parents and outweighs all of us by a significant amount!

    1. I think that’s where we are headed. His limbs are so long. I suppose the upside is that I will be able to wear his…um… I’m not sure I’d want to wear any of his clothes. It’s amazing. When does this growing happen? At night?

    1. August, it is freaky. One day, they are so tiny and the next they are towering over us. Whaaat? I remember being taller than my grandmother as a teen, i thought i was sooo cool. But i never passed my father and I think I am the same height as my mother. so this whole thing is new to me.

  7. BoyGenius is 8 and he wears my socks. He would drown in my jeans (he needs ultra skinny) but they would fit him in the leg length. He’s got legs for days and they’re all bendy and stuff. With the cutest little golden curls on them! ♥

    1. Oooh, that’s a great description of BoyGenius! I love his bendy legs that go on for days! Tech wouldn’t be interested in my socks, but seriously, I cannot tell the difference between his socks and his father’s. Dagnabit! 😉

  8. Physically they out grow us. My son is 21 yrs, 5′ 9, out weighs me by mucho and his shirts are a dress on me 🙂 I am 5’1, wear a size 6 and I so have to look up at him! I remember picking him up and carrying him around and now he can pick me up and carry me! When did that happen?! I am proud to say that my son still likes to hang with me and go do things with me. That is normal, right? I don’t think sons ever grow out of needing their momma. We went zip lining a few years back and had a blast! PS: Stop wearing your son’s jeans or you will forever be known as Wedgie Woman to me 😉

    1. Yay! That’s what I’ve been waiting to hear. That boys never outgrow their mommas! I wanna go zip-lining with Tech. Are you 5’1″, Meliss? Wow, you always seemed taller to me. Hmmmm.

      I swear I will be more diligent about making Tech do his own laundry. How’s that? Clearly I’m incompetent and need help. 😉

  9. Yes my friend only 5’1! I have to say I did not see this as bragging. I think you painted a great visual comparing your size to your childs. Love you sista’ 🙂

  10. My two and a half year old son grew three inches in two months. At this rate I will be wearing his stuff next year. I’m short.
    And he is getting opinions. He likes raspberry ice cream. Raspberry! The craziness.
    Also why can’t they put those button tabs in women’s pants? Those things are genius. And they are all for boys. Even little girls don’t get them.

    1. There is some predictor that our pediatrician did at Tech’s 3rd b’day that was based on his during year 2. I guess it is supposed to be a pretty accurate predictor of how tall a person is going to be. It showed that Tech could be over 6′ tall. He had a HUGE growth spurt when he was two. It was insane! I’ll bet your son is having that big spurt now! Oh Duffy, you could be in trouble in 18 years! Hard to even imagine, isn’t it?

      Which is worse? Having them look down at us? Or those crazy opinions? 😉

      And, now that you mention it, why don’t they have those tabs in women’s clothes. Not that I need them, but seriously, I’ll bet lots of mothers would LOVE to have them in their daughter’s clothes. What’s up with that? Are you sure no tabs for little girls?

  11. That’s pretty funny! You know, you could save some money by buying clothes in the boys department. I do that when it’s some dress up day at work (like soccer day) and I don’t have anything that fits into that category.

  12. Renee–that is TOO funny!!! I love seeing pictures of you. You are so darn fabulous. You better post some bar mitzvah pics of the family or at least of YOU. Not be pushy, but you sort of owe us. Don’t you think??? 😉

  13. My daughter and I are now the same size. I have to resist wearing her super cute clothes. My friend has a rather tall 11 yo son and he accidently wore her jeans to school one day. He pulled it off, but when he got home and she realized his error they had a good laugh.

  14. I hope he’s not reading this particular post of yours – otherwise you’r ein for some “Mom- you’re so embarrassing” treatment.

  15. I hear that guy hipsters like to wear women’s skinny jeans, so you might not be out of the woods yet. Though Tech doesn’t sound like the hipster sort. Not that I would know anything about that or about wearing women’s jeans. *leaves quickly*

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