because life doesn’t fit in a file folder
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What it Means to Survive

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The last time I tried out for Survivor was in 2013.

I was healthy.

Or at least, I thought I was.

(I had no idea that taking .5 mg of Klonopin at bedtime as prescribed was destroying my brain and my central nervous system.)

After 33 months of healing, I’m feeling well enough to be a contestant on Survivor.


I have no idea how I’d do.

I like to think I’m strong, but last week I got a bunch of splinters in my fingers and I complained for days.

I can handle extreme heat, but relentless rain? Not so much.

I get along with nearly everyone, and I find people endlessly fascinating.

But living with strangers? For over a month? In less than 4-star accommodations?

That could be rough.

This weekend, I enlisted a friend to help me make a video.

And yesterday, I submitted my video to Jeff Probst.

So, three years later, I’m crossing my fingers.


Here it is for your viewing pleasure.

If you are moved to tweet this post to @SurvivorCasting & @JeffProbst, I’d be grateful.

tweet me @rasjacobson

26 thoughts on “What it Means to Survive

  1. Tweeted! Done! To both of them! 😀

    I think you’d be AWESOME Renee! And if it turned out to be tough, geezzz, at least you DID IT and LEARNED BY IT… right? <3

    1. Thank you so much, D. For this. And for your comments on my last post. And for sticking with me during this weird time in my life. You are truly a wonderful person. Think I’ll ever get to meet you in real life?

      1. <3 <3 <3

        Yes, we'll meet. Are you still planning your 'Friends'-tour across America this summer? Update?

        But if not, there's other opportunities too. I don't mind being a long-distance friend either; have done it much of my adult life. Have "good people" all over the world. It's the soul connection that ultimately matters, right? 😀

  2. I’m so excited for you! My fingers are crossed! I would love watching even more than I already do ????.

    1. It ‘s been so much fun watching with you & your family. Thank you for inviting me into your home.

  3. I’ve been watching Survivor since the beginning and hope you make it. A guy I knew in college was on Gabon and he was terrible. You have to do better.

    1. Ben! I can’t believe you’re still here with me! Wow. I’m flattered. I remember that you really loved Survivor, too. Any interest in trying out? Or are you more of a couch-contestant?

      1. No way! I’d be terrible. When I’m hungry, I get grumpy. And any balancing challenges, I’m out.

  4. I Tweeted! Just for you!!

    1. You are the best, Lisha! Thank you. If I get this gig, you’d better watch! I
      d love to hear how your visit with Deb went. How great that you continue to meet people from the blogosphere!

      1. Not only will I watch, but I’ll have a weekly party to celebrate!

        Meeting Deb was fan-tastic. I was a total FANGIRL!

  5. Way to go! I’m so excited for you!! Very much looking forward to hearing the results!!

    1. Keeping my fingers crossed. I’ll either get a phone call…or I won’t. I’ll keep you posted.

  6. Go, Renee! I love your video, and have no doubt you’d rock Survivor. After all, you are one, and then some. XO

    1. You know what, August. I’m going to absolutely believe you on that one. I am a freakin’ survivor. I’ve been through the ringer, and I’m still here. I JUST started writing again, and the words seem to be flowing. I’m about to start drum lessons, too. I have no idea where these things will lead me this year, but… I’m saying yes to anything new. Hope you’re enjoying the weekend.

  7. Fantastic video, Renee, I’ll keep my fingers crossed!! You are my inspiration to push onward and upward–whoo-hoo!????

    1. Thanks Erm! I hope to see you in July! 🙂

  8. Love that video. Of course I tweeted the hell out of it. You’re a survivor 100x over already. They’d be lucky to have you.

    1. Awwww! Thanks Eli. I hope you’re having a great weekend. As for me? I’m trying to figure out how to make fire. So far, no luck. Maybe I’d better plan to be the primary rice cooker.

      1. Keep at it. You just have to figure it out once, Renee. You can do it.

  9. Never watched the program or understood its attraction, but if you’re interested in it, I’m interested in helping. Tweeted both.

    1. Hahaha! You’re not the only one! Thanks for the support, David. I wonder how I’d handle snorers!

  10. Just found your blog, wish I’d seen it 8 years ago when I was taken off klonopin… I will definitely figure out the tweet thing.

    1. I hope you’re doing much better now than you were 8 years ago. There is a whole community of survivors on Facebook. How are you doing these days? I’ve slowed down a lot in an effort to manage things. And I made some major life changes.

      1. Having trouble replying.. Wow, that’s a lot of groups. I’m great, thanks for asking. It was awful for about a year then it got gradually better. I went back to college and finished my degree, took up running and moved to a different country. Now I’ve been off all medications for about 4 years and I feel better than I ever did, even before I started medications when I was in High School.

        1. I’m soooo glad to hear you’re doing well. It’s REALLY important for people to hear encouraging stories about healing so they know it is possible! I’m doing my first independent travel in three years tomorrow. I’m looking forward to some time away.

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