Last night, I started painting too late.
I was tired.
I tried to rest, but I saw her.
So I had to get up and, at least, start her.
And then I couldn’t stop.
This is RACHEL.
My entire life, strangers have come up to me and called me Rachel. It happens nearly every day. (Actually, people come up to me constantly and asked me if they know me from somewhere. It happens all the time. People who hang out with me get used to it.)
For the purposes of brevity, let’s just say I understand Rachel. I understand what motivates her, what she needs, her insecurities and shortcomings. Rachel is kind of my alter ego, I guess. When I’m happy, you’ll know it. When I’m mad, you’ll know about that, too.
Consider the Biblical Rachel. To an outside observer, Rachel appeared to have everything in life—physical beauty, all the material things she needed, and the devotion of a loving husband. But Rachel wanted more. She had to have everything she wanted or life was not worth living. She was envious, selfish, peevish, fretful, discontented, and demanding.
I’ll own that I’m not the easiest person to be with in relationship.
I’m not a conventional girl.
I will not demur.
Like Rachel in the Torah, I have my own needs, aspirations and dreams. And while I’m happy to support the man in my life emotionally, I expect the same kind of affirmation, support and validation. I require a lot of affection.
I like how my RACHEL appears rather mermaid-ish, too. That wasn’t intentional, but it comes through loud and clear. It’s a dream of mine to eventually live closer to the ocean, and I crave the sun and the sea.
Truth be told, I often feel like a fish out of water and relate to these mythological creatures who choose to give up their lives in one place to follow the love to another place. Mermaids are known for their passionate singing and are forever blamed for luring men to the shallows, causing sailors to wreck their ships. But why should a woman be blamed for expressing herself? Why don’t folks think less of the men for losing focus and becoming distracted?
My entire life I’ve challenged social norms. People tell me I think too much. For what? A girl? Who would ever say that to a man? I’ve been told to be quiet and just be a go-along girl.
My RACHEL is subversive. She causes others to listen and she gets what she wants.
Plus she’s sexy as hell.
What do you see that I’m missing?