because life doesn’t fit in a file folder

Tag: Holiday

I’m Sorry The US Postal System Wrecked Your Christmas

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Dear L’il Niece and Nephew:

As you may or may not know, I absolutely hate to shop, but this year I went out and actually found cool stuff for both of you! L’il Niece, I got you that unicorn that you wanted and Nephew I was almost able to get that cool guy that you love from that awesome YouTube video to come to your house, but instead I ended up getting you a unicorn, too.

They were having a buy one/get one thing, and I figured if your sister was going to have one, what’s one more unicorn in the barn? I mean, they eat rainbows, right? So it’s not like they cost very much or anything. Anyway, I was really psyched about having completed my holiday shopping early because not only was I done in time which we all know is rare (like unicorns), but I also knew I was mailing everything with plenty of time for everything to get there in time for all the festivities.

That was waaay back on December 9, 2011.

And then, right before Christmas, your mom called me and told me that neither unicorn had arrived.

I had a bad feeling because I didn’t insure anything this year.

Anyway, as K$sha would say, I’m pretty sure I’m on the family $hit list.

And I just wanted you all to know that I apologize.

I have learned my lesson.

In the future, presents will be sent in November and from here on out, everything will be insured.

And don’t worry, your gifts will get way more interesting.

I’m thinking packs of pencils or bags of rocks.

Or both.

Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year.

I love you both and hope you can forgive the United States Postal Service even though they really $uck.

Because I think we all know someone who probably deserved a lump of coal is totally loving those unicorns right now.

Any post office horror stories? Misery loves company.

A Little #HanukkahHoopla

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Immediately after Thanksgiving, the blogosphere became crammed with posts about How to Find the Perfect Christmas Tree, and Elves on Shelves & What To Get Your Man for Christmas and lots of stuff about Why We Need To Keep Christ in Christmas.

And that’s all cool and everything.

Except I thought: I want some #HanukkahHoopla!

So, I telepathically contacted Jewish bloggers from across the globe.

What?

No, seriously, I am good, but I can’t do that!

But with a little networking via Twitter, I was able to connect with fifteen other Jewish bloggers, each of whom agreed to write something Hanukkah-ishy.

Taken together, you will see we represent a broad range of Jewish experience.

Some of us are Reform. Others are Conservative. Some are Orthodox. Some of us have converted to Judaism.

Two of us are rabbis!

Some of us keep kosher; others, not so much.

We have enjoyed getting to know each other, and this was truly a group effort.

So look for our button.

This is the button!

And leave us comments that will make us kvell.

Why?

Because we are fortunate to have sponsorship for our series! Streit’s and Mama Doni**, the lead singer/songwriter of The Mama Doni Band, have provided each of us with a little #HanukkahHoopla gift pack including:

•Mama Doni’s 2011 Parents’ Choice Award-winning CD, Shabbat Shaboom
•a Mama Doni poster
•a Download card for free Mama Doni songs (1 Chanukah song and 1 Passover song)
•a Bag of Streit’s chocolate Hanukkah gelt.

(**Note: That’s Mama Doni doing her thing in the video above. Isn’t she cute?)

I don’t mean to point out the obvious but that’s sixteen chances to win, people!

You’ll find more information about winning our #cyberswag on individual blogs.

So look for our button.

If you click on it, you should will be magically transported by Jewish unicorns to this page and then you can figure out who has posted and who will be posting next.

For those of you on Twitter, look for the hashtag #HanukkahHoopla because we’ll be tweeting each others’ tushies off between December 20-28.

Below is the schedule for who will be posting and when as well as everyone’s Twitter handle. You can comment on anyone’s blog all the way until the end of the 2011. Winners will be posted on our own blog pages, but they will also be posted here!

Chappy Chanukkah!

Candle 1:

12/20 Leah’s Thoughts @leahs_thoughts Winner: Caryn Statman

12/20 Ima On (and Off)The Bima @imabima Winner: Lisa Goldstein

Candle 2:

12/21 Nina Badzin’s Blog @ninabadzin Winner: Lisa Aronauer

12/21 Diary of a Paper Princess @RishonaMyers Winner: Cari Chartock

Candle 3:

12/22 The Monster in Your Closet @deb_bryan

12/22 Kvetchmom @jlweinberg Winner: Paprika Furstenburg

Candle 4:

12/23 Lessons From Teachers and Twits @rasjacobson Winner: Allison Greenhouse Bronstein

12/23 Life in The Married Lane @rivkisilver – Winner: Meghan @aMegaliLife

Candle 5:

12/24 TheJackB @thejackb

12/24 Erin Margolin @erinmargolin Winner: Andrea Bates @GoodGirlGoneRed

Candle 6:

12/25 These Little Waves @galitbreen Winner: AskDoc

12/25 CiaoMom @ciaomom – Winner: Meryl Ain

Candle 7:

12/26 The Culture Mom @theculturemom Winner: Gigi Gervits Schwartz

12/26 I wish my mom @sharistein – Winner : Sara Hawkins

Candle 8:

12/27 Frume Sarah’s World @frumesarah Winner: Bible Belt Sarah

12/27 Aprons & Blazers @OpenRoadMama Winner: Danielle Kolko

Congratulations to all our winners, and thanks to all our readers!


Sucked Into Sleazy Halloween Costumes

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Back in 2009

This blog entry by Kathy English, author of “Mom Crusades” is one of the best articles I’ve read on how Halloween costumes have morphed from simple, home-made creations into an entire industry of expensive outfits.

And when it comes to girls’ (and women’s) costumes well, let’s just say the choices are sometimes downright skanky!

For those of you who don’t know me  — and for those of you who do, before I am accused of being a total hypocrite — I have to confess, I kind of like displaying my inner naughty-girl on Halloween.

Hubby and I like to throw costume parties every few years and I have been a naughty teacher (typecast?), a St. Pauli Girl, a French Maid, even a slutty pirate. Once I wore a really short toga.

A. Really. Short. Toga.

Here’s why:

On Halloween 1999, a mere two months after my son was born, hubby and I decided to go with a “family theme” — you know, because I was about 50 pounds heavier than I was accustomed to weighing.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

My husband was a farmer – complete with red flannel shirt and overalls – our baby was a cute little heifer, and I … I was a big, fat momma cow (complete with over-sized, pink, rubber udders).

Oh. My. Gosh.

Never did I feel less attractive. I really felt like a cow. The fact that I had to go upstairs and actually pump breast milk in the middle of the evening did not help things. As I sat attached to my industrial strength Medela pump, I vowed to never again wear something on Halloween that made me feel unfeminine.

So while I philosophically agree with Kathy’s blog 100%, I am not going to be a hobo with facial hair for Halloween.

What is the best costume you ever wore for Halloween? Or what’s the least appropriate costume you’ve ever seen on an adult? Describe it in detail!

Tweet this Twit @rasjacobson

Ninja Princess Needs Tiara

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Photo by my 10-year old neighbor, Michael Jobling

See? I told you? I can’t help it! I recently wrote about my thing about Halloween and slutty Halloween costumes. I wasn’t even going to do anything this year. But it’s 2 PM, and the Annual Neighborhood Halloween Parade starts in a few hours. And I have to be something. But it’s cold out. Really cold. So, thinking practically, I started with my ski mask, added a pink wig, a tutu from ye olde costume bin, and one of Monkey’s old swords.

Poof.

I’m a Ninja Princess.

All I need is a tiara.

I’ve got an APB out for one right now, but it’s getting late!

Anyone have a tiara I can borrow?